Why I Hate the Scale (but keep going back for more....)

Everyone in my family is tiny. The eat a whole pizza and still stay skinny kind of tiny. Built like marathon runners, naturally thin, lithe gazelles like creatures. And then there was me....who tends to take after my Dad's side of the family as in if I think about eating a cupcake I will probably gain five pounds. They workout and get leaner. I work out and put on muscle pretty fast. I tend to get bulkier before I lean out. (At least that is what I keep telling myself.) I am just bigger than everyone.

And that has pretty much sucked my whole life.

Especially when your great grandmother tells you it's unfortunate that you inherited her thighs. (I mean seriously. I was in high school. Who says that? I was pretty small then and thought I was doing okay. I had a lime green mini skirt and rocked it. Man, I loved that outfit.) And this is the memory I am left with about my deceased relative decades later....

But seriously. Now, as a grown up, I am less worried about how my thighs look and much more concerned with my health. (At least that is what I say out loud....because let's be honest, if I were able to rock a pair of booty shorts I totally would. I would never take them off. Even in the winter. Maybe it's  a good thing for everyone that this isn't going to happen. There will never, ever be any thigh gap here.) My relatives aren't exactly known for longevity. Heart disease has pretty much blanketed my family tree and cancer is right up there too. So the realistic and rational part of my brain is all, "Hey Sara, maybe we should get a jump on this. You know before your doctor is drawing THAT line in the sand."

And so I plug on. Getting my workouts in. Eating clean most of the time.... (I mean there are gelato emergencies. Don't' get me wrong.) In all seriousness I do try to live by the 80/20 rule. Try to eat well 80% of the time and the other 20% is for fun dinners out, traveling, vacations, barbecues and beer. (Because there are Shiner Ruby RedBird emergencies too. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. And if I can't have an awesome ginger beer on a hot summer day then I don't want to be any part of that.)

But what amazes me the most is how I still continue to hang onto the number that I think I "should" see on the scale. So many women have this magical number. Who knows where it even came from....maybe it is our high school weight. Or the weight we were at during a happy time in our lives or just a number we picked out of all of the numbers that we think we should weigh. But let me tell you a little secret right now. The scale is a liar.

When I was first asked to take pictures at the start of my first challenge group, I was SO freaked out. I didn't want to take pictures. What if someone saw them? So they got buried in files on my computer. And I held my breath as I emailed them to Katy while all these thoughts were running through my head. What if she mocked me? What if she saw them and was all "wow, Sara is pretty fat. I mean she really let herself go." Or what if she thought I was a total lost cause.

The irony here is that people saw me every day. My clothes weren't magical things that made me appear tall and lean and super model gorgeous, like with the right outfit I was fooling people into thinking I was actually a size 2.

In hindsight, the pictures I took have become my greatest source of motivation and encouragement. I was with  these pictures I was able to see that my hard work was paying off. That my body is changing. That I am making things happen.

The scale wouldn't have told me that.

I am able to lift heavier weights. Do longer spurts of cardio. I am able to pick up my knees just a little bit higher. Move my feet a little bit faster.

The scale wouldn't have told me that either.

I am able to chase my kiddo on the playground. Climb up the rock wall after her. Pick her up and spin her around....and I don't lose my breath or need to stop for a minute.

The scale would NEVER have told me that.

It also wouldn't have told me how much better my quality of life would be.


It was on a very bad day when I decided to look back at where I was last year....I was angry. I was frustrated. I wanted to throw things. I was upset that my weight really hadn't changed in the last year despite everything I was doing. Of course, it fluctuates based on things like how much salt or water or sugar I had eaten the week before.... like weight tends to do, but never really moves. I pulled out the old pictures to put in for my free shirt I earned when I finished Insanity (and never claimed) and I was shocked at the difference a year (and no difference on the scale at all) can make.

I still haven't been able to get rid of the scale completely. I really try to not let it ruin (or make) my day. I try to remind myself of all the things I have accomplished that have NOTHING to do with the scale. The inches, the sizes and the pictures tell a much richer story that that one little number. It also doesn't' tell me what kind of role model I am for my daughter, what kind of ripple effect the changes I made in my life has on my family's lives, or what kind of influence my story may have on another.

And that allows me to step off the scale with a smile on my face, despite any number that might show up down there. Even if it hasn't changed at all.

Rain-day Pancakes with Flaxseed

My husband works. A lot. If the sun is shining, they are working (and the irony here is how much I love the sunshine....I mean really. What are the odds?)


But there are the dreary days....when it rains and they can't do much so he gets to stay home and sleep in a little bit. He will get up and walk the dogs and that makes me want to do nice things. Like make breakfast.

I love breakfast. Breakfast food might be my favorite (or a close second to all edible things that swim in the ocean.) But eggs and pancakes and waffles and oatmeal and omelettes...I can't even stand it. I want to eat all of it.

But my kiddo LOVES her some pancakes. And, generally speaking, pancakes are not the best choice nutritionally when it comes to breakfast. So I decided to take it up a notch.

I started with a recipe from Bob's Red Mill (which is a company I absolutely adore) and then added some protein to the mix. What attracted me to this recipe from the get go was that they were pancakes with flaxseed meal.

Why Flax?

• High omega-3 fatty acid content - To read more about why omega 3's are an important part of our diet click here. 

• High in both soluble and insoluble fiber

• High in lignans (which are "one of the major classes of phytoestrogens. They are estrogen-like chemical compounds with antioxidant qualities, able to scavenge free radicals in the body," according to an article posted on Medical News Today. (Read the whole article here.)

Flax has been credited with helping in cardiovascular health, diabetes, asthma and a ton of other health conditions. I feel like it has been talked about everywhere for a while now. And you can add this little baby to smoothies, baked goods like muffins, breads and even pizza crusts and oatmeal, which is my favorite place to toss in a tablespoon. 

There are arguments that flaxseed meal is better so that your body stands a better chance of absorbing the nutrients if the flaxseed are ground. In theory if they are whole, and because they are so tiny, it is easy for them to pass through your body without being broken down. It is super easy to buy your own, I know many grocery stores are selling the in bulk now, using a coffee grinder. I, of course, typically buy Bob's Red Mill Flaxseed Meal which is already ground. I keep it in the freezer to keep it as fresh as possible. 

When I saw this recipe that was not only from one of my favorite places in the Pacific Northwest, but it also contained flaxseed to punch up the nutritional value I knew I had to try it. It called for 2 Tablespoons of sugar which I subbed with coconut palm sugar. After making this and noting the consistency of the batter (it gets thick because of the flax)I think next time I will just sweeten it with maple syrup. We put it on pancakes so why not put it in pancakes?

Here is what I did:

1 1/2 cups milk (cows, almond, rice etc)


1 egg
6 Tablespoons flaxseed meal (I used Bob's Red Mill Golden Flaxseed Meal)
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons baking powder
2 Tablespoons coconut palm sugar (or maple syrup)
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour (I used Bob's Red Mill brand)
1/2 cup protein powder (I used Bob's Red Mill Hemp Protein) 

Add all dry ingredients to a large bowl. Mix well. 

Combine the egg and milk. Add to the flour mixture and stir to combine. 

Pour batter onto a griddle heated to medium high. And cook until bubbles are formed around the edges. Flip and  cook the other side until golden brown. 

Add your favorite toppings and serve. **

Happy eating! 

**On a side note...these would be totally awesome on a pretty tray with a cute little bud vase beside it with a pretty fresh flower. Served nice and warm to a deserving mommy while she lounges in bed. In reality, I am pretty sure any mom would be pleased to wake up to anything other than screaming kids and hungry dogs. So partially burned pancakes on a paper plate would be just as amazing.  xoxo

_______________________________________________________________________________

Sources:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/263405.php

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/benefits-of-flaxseed

http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=81

Moms, Margaritas and the Official Start of Summer

May is here and while we survived the national day of drinking margaritas and eating tacos pretending we might actually know what Cinco De Mayo signifies, there are so many more things to come. Mothers' Day, the opening of pools, barbecues, warm summer nights with lighting brought to you by the glow of lightning bugs....Summer is my favorite time of year. Cheer camp, sunshine all day, nights where it is warm enough to sit outside, the fact that it stays light out until nine o'clock!  I could keep going and going.....

But there are also some things about summer that can be scary....bathing suits, shorts, short skirts, ice cream and let's be honest when we talk about the food choices at most summer get togethers. It is typically not filled with the best options when it comes to your waistline. But there is a way to navigate these summer parties unscathed (and trust me, your shorts will thank you) and it all boils down to holding yourself accountable.

Over the last year, I have found the best way to hold myself accountable is to get into a challenge group! Everyone involved keeps me in check. We hold each other to what we promised and that is helping eachother reach our goals.  Friendships have been formed and some of the ladies from my very first challenge group are still there, keeping me in check.

I totally didn't believe in the power of an online group to do much of anything (other than annoy me) but I needed something. And much to my chagrin, it worked. I not only found the key to my success but some pretty cool people along the way. (To read more about challenge groups click here.)

So this is what I have happening for May (and early June)

May 19th Clean Eating Bootcamp:

I am starting a FREE clean eating bootcamp. Yes this is totally free but I need your dedication and participation for 21 Days. You need to commit to showing up and I will give you:

• Meal planning strategies
• Recipes
• Eating out strategies
• Support and accountability

Shakeology is not required for the group but I highly recommend it. It is the one meal I don't have to think about everyday. It gives me the energy I need to keep up with my kiddo and I know my body is getting the nutrition it needs. It makes my life just that much simpler. (And simple is good.) To read more about how shakeology has impacted my life and dietary habits click here.

To join this group sign up for a free account here and request membership to the group! 

June 2nd  60 Day Summer Slim Down Challenge:

This is going to be more of a traditional challenge group. We will eat clean. We will workout. We will get some killer results. 

So this is what you get:

• Meal planning strategies
• Recipes
• Eating out strategies
• Support and accountability
• Daily motivation
• One on one support from me (I will not let you slip through the cracks!)
• Results

If you show up every day and give it all you've got I promise you that you will see real results. Both on the scale and off the scale. 

Shakeology is a requirement for this group. Why is it required? Because not only is it the one thing I don't have to think about and plan during hectic and crazy mornings. It is totally portable (I always bring it on vacation with me...one less meal to buy!) and fast. It gives me the nutrition I need, helps control my cravings and really keeps me on track. You can read more about why I drink shakeology daily here.

To reserve your spot in either of these groups fill out the application here.

Happy May! 

Summer in a Burger (Cilantro Lime Turkey Burgers with Asian Pear Slaw)

The sun is shining and the temps are slowly creeping closer to summer weather. Ummm...Yay! This is the type of weather that makes me want to head outside. I want to eat outside, drink on patios and grill things. The type of food I want to eat also changes like crazy. Suddenly I want food that tastes light and bright and citrusy. I want to drink caipirinhas and lay by a pool. If lime is part of the recipe, it is something I want to eat. Fish tacos, guac, salad dressing, burgers, adult beverages. If it is cilantro and lime flavored anything it is pretty much a guarantee it is going to make my menu.

I have been working out with weights again (hello Les Mills Pump) and this program is awesome. It is fun. The music is upbeat and motivating. It is leaving me crazy sore. (I totally understand why this is a craze in gyms. Doing it live would be kind of amazing.) But every time I add a lot of weight training to my routine, I find myself craving meat. And for someone who can typically go weeks without meat, this is not only something I find kind of strange but also a struggle. Since I don't cook a lot of meat (and chicken still makes me gag) I am usually up, searching the internet for yummy recipes that will satisfy my jonesing for meat and not leave me feeling like I have a brick in my stomach. (I just have food issues. Seriously. I am kind of a mess.)

This lovely little burger not only satisfied my meat craving but also gave me a bite of summer flavor that made me so happy. (Well as happy as I could be sans sunshine and pool. This just screams let's grill out by the pool and float our way to happiness after we eat. Is that anyone else's idea of bliss or just mine?)

Anyway....they turned out awesome. Lots of flavor in these little babies and I even had to cook them in a pan (as we are in an upstairs apartment with zero outdoor space for this job and sans grill). I love using fresh herbs so I used fresh cilantro in this recipe. I put a big handful of it in the mini chopper (I have no patience for dicing and slicing fresh herbs....as much as I love them this makes me crazy.) and added them to the ground turkey along with everything else. I mixed it all up with my hands (gross!) The juice made them a little wet but the stayed together great and it is so worth it for the yummy summer flavor.

Here is what I did:


Asian Pear Slaw

1 bag pre chopped coleslaw mix (or 1 small head of cabbage chopped)
1 asian pear cored and julienned

Dressing:

3/4 cup good quality olive oil
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 Tablespoons water
2 Tablespoons honey (I used raw honey)
1 teaspoon salt

Place all dressing ingredients in a blender and blend (or in a small bowl and whisk until honey is dissolved.)  Pour over coleslaw mix. You can serve immediately or chill to allow the flavors to mingle. I add the pear right before serving so it doesn't get soggy.

I am also thinking next time about adding some fresh ginger and maybe some slivered almonds for some crunch.


For the Burger:

1 lb ground turkey
bunch of fresh cilantro
juice of one lime
1/4 of a sweet onion- diced (but a red onion might be yummy too!)
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
salt and pepper to taste

Place ground turkey in a large bowl.

Add all the other ingredients and mix well.

Shape into 4 burger patties.

Grill, broil or cook in a pan until no longer pink inside.

(I  used just enough coconut oil to coat the pan. Heat the oil on medium high and then add the burgers. Cook for 5-7 minutes on each side - or until cooked through.)

We ate them topped with avocado and asian pear slaw but you can easily add your favorite condiments and burger buns.

My three year old proclaimed it the best dinner ever so there was that. She cleaned her plate (which these days is a rarity.) Needless to say I will be making these often, at least until she decides she hates them....which could be any minute now.

Happy eating!



21 Day Fix container equivalents:

1 red
1 green
1/4 purple
1 teaspoon
1 blue (if using avocado)

Quinoa Asparagus Salad (Super easy, Super yum, Super filling)

I don't eat  a lot of meat. I never loved it. Even when I was in high school I refused to touch red meat (mostly because my oh so cool Uncle from New York City didn't and I wanted to be just like him. Including living in NYC. Just like on Friends. Because that was real grown up life portrayed to us 90's high school kids. And it looked awesome.)

Since I was prego with my little girl, the thought of touching chicken, let alone eating it, makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I. Just. Can't. So that leaves me with the occasional red meat splurge, fish, eggs and turkey (because it is different than chicken. Don't ask me why my brain can handle a turkey carcass and not a boneless skinless chicken breast *gag*) Oh, and I limit dairy too. I had gallbladder surgery a little over a year ago and just can't. Nobody wants to deal with that. Seriously, I am a dinner party host's worst nightmare.

When I started the 21 Day Fix, I was pumped. I was so excited to see how I could use this portion control thing to really get me past the plateau I had been facing for a while now. (I guess I could have busted out the measuring cups but the color coded containers were SO much cuter and made me excited. I know. I know. Total nerd.) My conundrum came when I realized that, according to my calorie bracket, I was to eat 4 red containers a day. Red meaning protein. No biggie. And then I realized that beans and quinoa were considered a yellow container. The red container list consisted of meats, high protein dairy and soy protein (tofu and tempeh.)

Every once in a while I love to enjoy some soy protein (always organic and non-GMO certified.) But all the controversy around soy makes me nervous. So this is something I limit. Really limit. To maybe once a month. And I can't eat fish every day. First it is expensive. Second there are mercury issues. And third. That is boring.

Sure I could add an extra protein shake to my daily lineup (and some days I do) but the first go round I ended up eating A LOT of eggs. But I just couldn't do it again. I was sick of eggs. But I wanted to stick with the Fix nutrition guide because it worked. It is awesome and it forces me to meal plan (a total vice for me.) I knew I had to find a happy medium between the Fix lists and my desire to eat mostly plant based.

Then I found an interview with Autumn and she was asked about alternative protein for vegans and vegetarians. She said that it was totally acceptable to count things like lentils, beans and quinoa as protein for vegans or vegetarians (which I took to include people like me who float around somewhere in the middle of it all.) She did say that the results may not be as extreme if you are eating a lot of what used to be yellows as reds but because of the portion control you will still see success. And let's be honest. It really did bug me that a veggie burger was on the original list of red containers (and many veggie burgers have beans in them) but beans were not. This makes me really happy. So here is the updated food lists if you are a vegan or vegetarian (who doesn't do soy) or just a can't decide where you belong (like me).

So for dinner last week I made this awesome quinoa asparagus salad. I pretty much looked at what I had in my fridge and googled. And I adjusted to what I had. The hubby doesn't generally love meatless meals so I was thrilled that he really liked this. (When he asks how I made it and how long it took I know it's a keeper.) It was so much a keeper that I made it again a week later.

The original recipe didn't call for spinach but I had some that needed using so I added that. I would call that an optional ingredient. I also add the olives to mine but leave them out of John's since he has this whole olive "thing" (and by thing I mean loathing of all things olive which I think is totally crazy because they kind of make my heart sing.) There was also a lemon/oil dressing on the salad which I didn't love the first time. So on the second go round, I mixed it up and went with one of my favorites. The honey lime vinaigrette which I adapted from The Yummy Life (which you can find here.) I avoid canola oil like the plague when I can (hello GMO's) and sub it in every recipe. Plus I always like to take recipes and make them work for me. You will never find anything remotely spicy in anything I eat and if there is a way to add some fresh cilantro....it will probably happen. This dressing was amazing on the quinoa salad. I have also had it on regular green salads, shrimp, fish, turkey burgers....I will pretty much put it on anything. And then lick the inside of the blender. Seriously, make it. Love it. Use it on everything.

I have become a huge proponent of making your own salad dressings. It takes five minutes and then you don't have to worry about all the yuck that is lurking in store bought salad dressing. Some of those labels are insane. Tons of ingredients and most of them I can't pronounce. And if I am too lazy to make blend up a quick dressing....a good quality olive oil drizzle with some balsamic vinegar does the job just fine (but check your balsamic to make sure it doesn't contain caramel coloring!) But onto my kind of amazing dinner.

Here is what I did: 

1 1/2 cups uncooked quinoa (I used Bob's Red Mill brand)
3 cups veggie broth or stock
1 bunch of asparagus (chopped into bite size pieces)
2 cups (or a few handfuls) of spinach
3.5 oz sun dried tomatoes (julienned)
1/2 red onion (a sweet onion works well too. If it is a really strong or large onion you may want to cut back to using 1/4 of it.)

Cook the quinoa according to package directions in the veggie broth.

While the quinoa is cooking prepare your dressing:

1/2 cup cold pressed olive oil
1/4 cup fresh lime juice (I juiced 2 1/2 limes)
1 teaspoon dijon mustard (I use Annie's Organic Horseradish Mustard)
1 tablespoon honey (I prefer to use raw honey. For more about the benefits of raw honey click here.)
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder or fresh minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon cumin
A large handful of fresh cilantro

Combine all ingredients and blend.

Add chopped sundried tomatoes, onion and spinach to a large bowl.

When the quinoa is close to done. Cook your asparagus by either steaming or sauteing in a tiny bit of coconut oil. Cook 3-4 minutes or until the asparagus turns bright green. I like my still crunchy so not over cooking is a priority for me.

Add the cooked asparagus and quinoa to the bowl. Toss with spinach, sundried tomatoes and onion until the spinach starts to wilt. Top with dressing.

I also cooked up some shrimp (with cilantro and the juice of half a lime) to top our tasty quinoa. In this case I did count the quinoa as a yellow container, since I had the other protein source.

Enjoy your amazing dinner. (You can thank me later.)

Cauliflower Crust Pizza (with a twist)

I have seen cauliflower used for everything from pizza crust to steak to breadsticks to rice. I love cauliflower. I love the taste of it. I love it in soup. I love it on a veggie tray (which no one else seems to so that always works out in my favor.) I love it roasted. But this whole cauliflower is a miracle to replace carbs and bread and all sorts of other tasty things I know I shouldn't have really throws me for a loop.

I knew I wanted to try this miracle of pizza crusts and really it was out of sheer laziness I never did. I would write it on my meal plans regularly. Always ending up not doing it and making scrambled eggs instead and pureeing the cauliflower into soup before it rotted at the back of the fridge. I always start out the week with the best of intentions. Then life happens, an extra cheer practice or a chance to go to dinner with my girlfriends, and I find myself scrambling to use up my produce before it is too late.

This was the situation when I decided to try to make cauliflower pizza crust this week. Not only did I have cauliflower to use up but some broccoli and basil leaves that were starting to look kind of sad. So into the food processor it all went. My hubby eats a lot so I figured the more pureed veggies to turn into crust the better and putting fresh basil in it was kind of awesome. It had great flavor and I didn't have to add anything else.

And I have to say that I was pretty pleased with the results. In reality, it isn't going to cut it when I want something chewy and doughy and greasy. But standing on it's own....it is good. And it's green. Anything green makes me feel extra healthy. I will totally make this again....my way.

Here is what I did:

1 head of cauliflower
1 small head of broccoli
Basil leaves (handful or two)
1 egg (beaten)
1/3 cup cheese (I used fresh grated cheddar. It was what we had.)

Preheat the oven to 400

Add the cauliflower to a food processor. Pulse until it reaches a rice like texture.

Transfer to a clean dish towel. Wrap it up and squeeze the heck out of it. And then squeeze it some more. You will be amazed at how much water comes out of it. Transfer to a large bowl.

Repeat with the broccoli and add the basil leaves (or herbs of choice) too. Squeeze them and squeeze them again.  Add to the cauliflower in the bowl.

Mix well.

Add beaten egg and cheese. Mix well.

At this point I lay out another towel and press the mixture flat (like a crust) and then use paper towel on top to absorb even more water. (Because it keeps coming.)

The more moisture you get out of the mix now....the more like real crust it will be. So hopefully that motivates you to keep on squeezing.

Then transfer it to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.

Bake for 35-40  minutes or until it starts to brown.

Remove from the oven and add your toppings. (I used diced tomatoes, onions, and sauteed mushrooms and a little bit more cheese.)

Pop it back into the oven for about 10 minutes.

Enjoy!


21 Day Fix Container Conversion (per 2 pieces)

1 Green
1 Blue

*There is so little egg once it is all portioned out that I didn't even count it as a container.

**I have seen recipes where the cauliflower (after processing) is cooked for a few minutes. I didn't do this and I still enjoyed the results.

Being a Stay at Home Mom Just Wasn't Enough (and why I felt like the worst person ever)

"Oh you're a stay at home mom...you're so lucky."

"You get to stay at home with your little girl? That is so wonderful. What a blessing. They grow up so fast."

"You will really look back and cherish these years with them. It is so nice you don't have to go back to work."

"Well, Sara, you don't have to work so.... (insert request here)"

"You know, I work, so I don't have time for that like you do."

I heard comments like this all the time. They ranged from the regarding stay at home mommyhood as the mecca to which all women aspire to reach and those that have or make the circumstances for that to happen are the blessed. The fortunate. The envied. What so many others are working to have.

And the later I heard mostly from my family. Like I hadn't worked (for many years multiple jobs including going to school while working full time hours) since I was 13 and allowed to babysit as much and as often as I could. I was the hour snatcher when I worked retail in my premanager days. If someone was giving up a shift I would take it. I needed to pay my bills, my rent...buy groceries (and beer!) If overtime was approved my managers knew they could count on me to get in as soon as I could and stay as long as they needed. No questions asked. If you're paying me, I'll do it. Stock, sales, inventory. No problem. Handled.

And here I was, at home with this amazing little person and it just wasn't enough. I was bored. I was lonely. I was tired. And I felt like I spent my days catering to things that just needed me constantly (dogs included) and cleaning up poop (dogs included again.) And then she grew into this cool little toddler who had a killer personality, loved to laugh and was wild and crazy. She ran me to exhaustion and made me laugh and smile. But something was still missing. I would go days without talking to another grown up. For a while, I considered talking to my high school cheerleaders talking to grown ups. And my poor assistant cheer coach....I just talked her ear off whenever we were together. For months the only break I had from my kiddo was to take upwards of twenty some high school girls to cheer camp for 4 days. Because, I forgot to mention, that my husband was gone. He travels for work so he wasn't there for weeks at a time. So it was all on me. Every day. Sun up to sun down (Ha! If only. I was needed in the middle of the night too. For sickness, accidents and well just because sometimes she didn't want to sleep. Because sleeping to a toddler is the worst punishment you can bestow upon them.)

And I felt like a terrible person for not being blissfully happy. Because everyone told me I should be.

So I overcompensated by treating myself. I pureed fresh organic veggies for my baby's first meals and then let myself eat (an entire bag of) cheddar cheese popcorn for dinner with a glass of wine. While watching days of marathon television (Netflix is seriously dangerous in this situation. Every single episode of Gossip Girl. Ummm...yes please. And four days of my life just gone. I missed the Grey's Anatomy fuss because I was working all the time. So why not catch up with all eight seasons now. Back to back. Without commercials.) That was what I did.

Until I decided it wasn't working. I was miserable. Desperate. And I am sure this is where you expect me to put in where Beachbody entered my life and turned it all around.

Well it didn't.

Groupon happened.

But first a suprise from one of my favorite long distance people.

A christmas present from my super-far-away-and-I-miss-her-so-much friend came accompanied with a flash drive of pictures we had taken on a 3 day super fast see-as-much-as-you-can-see tour of Portland when we were out there that summer. And I saw a picture of me that I couldn't even handle. I wanted to burn it. Bury it. Hide it. But I could still see it in my head. (Hell, I can still see it in my head now.)

And then a groupon for a personal training experience entered my mailbox. It was something like $40 for a month - 5 days a week- for a small bootcamp type class with a couple of trainers who used the gymnastics/cheer gym down the road. But it was at 5:30 in the morning.

I knew John would be around for at least a month at that point and I needed to do something. So I left my sleeping family behind and truged out in the cold and snow. (Did I mention it was February? In Pittsburgh?) But I went. Every day. Sick, tired, sore, snowing, it didn't matter. I showed up. And I played. Two weeks in and I could keep up with some of the guys there. I pushed myself. And it felt amazing. But I didn't lose any weight (on the scale anyway. I had yet to learn about other methods of tracking success.) Despite being frustrated with the scale, WOW did it feel good to get up and bust my a$$ every morning.  I felt like I could do anything.

And this is where I got the guts to think I could do Insanity. I knew if I was going to change my body and my life I needed to do something crazy. Welcome to my life Shawn T.

And three weeks in I was there again. Angry. Frustrated. Wondering why the eff the scale was still not moving AT ALL.

I knew that Katy had recently become a Beachbody coach but she wasn't the only one I knew. I worked retail with quite a few people who had found success with Beachbody in many ways. But Katy and I taught on the same 7th grade team when I was subbing for a maternity leave. I missed having the connection to the school outside of cheer. And I didn't want to go digging back into my retail days. They were long behind me and I wanted to avoid that "history."

She put me in a challenge group and I had a focus again. Something to put all of my effort and energy into outside of my child. I knew I wanted this as a part of my life. I knew I didn't want to give it up. So I closed my eyes, let my stomach flip and signed up to coach. To pay it forward and help give others the push THEY need to change THEIR lives.

And wow did I make a good choice. I found a team of amazing people. I found success in my weight loss journey. I found friends who are supportive and energizing and help push me to make ME a better person. I found the want to reach out and support others the way I have been supported. I had a purpose and a drive again. I slowly began to crawl out of the hole.

I take an hour every day to get my sweat on and another hour to check in with all the people I am now motivating to change their lives. I spend a little more time working on personal development and leadership. And after my kiddo goes to bed I work on the other things. And yes, I make the conscious choice to take those hours away from playing with my daughter. But what I have gained has made me a better mother, a better wife and a better person. We go to the park and we play. The hours I am with her, I am WITH her (not pretending to play with her while watching hyperbolized medical dramas.) I have the support to get me moving when I need it and the encouragement to keep going.

I have been blessed in finding exactly what I needed (even if I didn't know what I needed yet and had to endure a lot of frustration to get there.) I have been blessed in joining an amazing family. I have been blessed in finding enough.