Why I Hate the Scale (but keep going back for more....)

Everyone in my family is tiny. The eat a whole pizza and still stay skinny kind of tiny. Built like marathon runners, naturally thin, lithe gazelles like creatures. And then there was me....who tends to take after my Dad's side of the family as in if I think about eating a cupcake I will probably gain five pounds. They workout and get leaner. I work out and put on muscle pretty fast. I tend to get bulkier before I lean out. (At least that is what I keep telling myself.) I am just bigger than everyone.

And that has pretty much sucked my whole life.

Especially when your great grandmother tells you it's unfortunate that you inherited her thighs. (I mean seriously. I was in high school. Who says that? I was pretty small then and thought I was doing okay. I had a lime green mini skirt and rocked it. Man, I loved that outfit.) And this is the memory I am left with about my deceased relative decades later....

But seriously. Now, as a grown up, I am less worried about how my thighs look and much more concerned with my health. (At least that is what I say out loud....because let's be honest, if I were able to rock a pair of booty shorts I totally would. I would never take them off. Even in the winter. Maybe it's  a good thing for everyone that this isn't going to happen. There will never, ever be any thigh gap here.) My relatives aren't exactly known for longevity. Heart disease has pretty much blanketed my family tree and cancer is right up there too. So the realistic and rational part of my brain is all, "Hey Sara, maybe we should get a jump on this. You know before your doctor is drawing THAT line in the sand."

And so I plug on. Getting my workouts in. Eating clean most of the time.... (I mean there are gelato emergencies. Don't' get me wrong.) In all seriousness I do try to live by the 80/20 rule. Try to eat well 80% of the time and the other 20% is for fun dinners out, traveling, vacations, barbecues and beer. (Because there are Shiner Ruby RedBird emergencies too. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. And if I can't have an awesome ginger beer on a hot summer day then I don't want to be any part of that.)

But what amazes me the most is how I still continue to hang onto the number that I think I "should" see on the scale. So many women have this magical number. Who knows where it even came from....maybe it is our high school weight. Or the weight we were at during a happy time in our lives or just a number we picked out of all of the numbers that we think we should weigh. But let me tell you a little secret right now. The scale is a liar.

When I was first asked to take pictures at the start of my first challenge group, I was SO freaked out. I didn't want to take pictures. What if someone saw them? So they got buried in files on my computer. And I held my breath as I emailed them to Katy while all these thoughts were running through my head. What if she mocked me? What if she saw them and was all "wow, Sara is pretty fat. I mean she really let herself go." Or what if she thought I was a total lost cause.

The irony here is that people saw me every day. My clothes weren't magical things that made me appear tall and lean and super model gorgeous, like with the right outfit I was fooling people into thinking I was actually a size 2.

In hindsight, the pictures I took have become my greatest source of motivation and encouragement. I was with  these pictures I was able to see that my hard work was paying off. That my body is changing. That I am making things happen.

The scale wouldn't have told me that.

I am able to lift heavier weights. Do longer spurts of cardio. I am able to pick up my knees just a little bit higher. Move my feet a little bit faster.

The scale wouldn't have told me that either.

I am able to chase my kiddo on the playground. Climb up the rock wall after her. Pick her up and spin her around....and I don't lose my breath or need to stop for a minute.

The scale would NEVER have told me that.

It also wouldn't have told me how much better my quality of life would be.


It was on a very bad day when I decided to look back at where I was last year....I was angry. I was frustrated. I wanted to throw things. I was upset that my weight really hadn't changed in the last year despite everything I was doing. Of course, it fluctuates based on things like how much salt or water or sugar I had eaten the week before.... like weight tends to do, but never really moves. I pulled out the old pictures to put in for my free shirt I earned when I finished Insanity (and never claimed) and I was shocked at the difference a year (and no difference on the scale at all) can make.

I still haven't been able to get rid of the scale completely. I really try to not let it ruin (or make) my day. I try to remind myself of all the things I have accomplished that have NOTHING to do with the scale. The inches, the sizes and the pictures tell a much richer story that that one little number. It also doesn't' tell me what kind of role model I am for my daughter, what kind of ripple effect the changes I made in my life has on my family's lives, or what kind of influence my story may have on another.

And that allows me to step off the scale with a smile on my face, despite any number that might show up down there. Even if it hasn't changed at all.

The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl (finding inspiration in another's journey)

 The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl isn't the type of book I typically try to review on here since it isn't so much about health and nutrition as it is about an individual's journey to health and weight loss. But there were things about it that I really related to since I am trying my damnedest to stay on the healthy bandwagon.

Here is the basic synopsis -- Girl weights 350 lbs and isn't happy. Decides to make a change and starts to blog about it. Girl starts to lose weight and gain confidence. Girl backslides but gets back on the wagon (Yay!) Girl gains more confidence and moves outside her comfort zone. She starts traveling and enjoying her life instead of hiding from it. Blog becomes way bigger than she ever thought would happen. Blog becomes a book.


So not a super original story but honest and funny. I really enjoyed reading about her adventures, successes and failures. Her failures, in a way, spoke to me the most. She didn't just regain 5 or 10 pounds but 60 pounds (I think....it was quite a bit anyway.) But for her to have the courage and the guts to go after relosing that much weight and continue to lose more spoke volumes to me. I want to throw in the towel if I gain 3 pounds back. I get frustrated and think about the time and effort (and sweat!) I put into losing those 3 (little bitty) pounds and I just want to sit on the couch and eat chocolate. It makes me feel like I will never get there. But reading about her doing it made me feel pathetic and silly, fretting about something like 3 pounds. Yes I have quite a ways to go, but no where near the amount she was aiming to lose. She gave me some inspiration and really made me focus on why I want to lose weight. Why I want to get healthy and in shape. Because the why is what's important. Without a why, getting back on track is so much harder and staying on track is almost impossible.


I think this was one of my favorite moments in the book --

"Weight loss isn't about willpower or motivation. It's just the cumulative effect of tiny actions over time. Putting down the chocoalte bars, putting on the running shoes. you have to keep picking yourself up when you fall, over and over again, for however long it takes."--The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl

Because how true is that! So many times I have reached for a "magic" pill or solution, wanting and praying for it to happen overnight. Or I would become obsessed and go crazy working out and eating healthy for a month and see no change on the scale and be so upset I would just quit. (I have learned my lesson on trusting and using the scale though, so there's that.) And it isn't a matter of if you fall, but when you will fall. Life happens and it is in the attitude toward it is what counts. Are you going to get back up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward? Or are you going to hide in the house, watch all six seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix and eat snacks by yourself?

She also talks about her "magic" number a lot. That number everyone has in their head thad dictates how much we think we should weight. And really where does it come from? What we weighed in high school? What our best friend weighed in high school? And what is the expectation when we get there? I for one would like the heavens to open and the choir to sing and for everyone to approach me and tell me how awesome I look because I finally reached that number. In reality, I will probably receive compliments up until that point and no one will really notice the last 5-7 pounds. Plus I need to come to terms with the fact that I may not ever reach that number. And that is okay---right? I mean I definitely have more muscle than my prepubescent self so there is that. If I feel great and am living my life to the fullest, have energy and am setting a good example for my family, isn't that enough? Shouldn't it be enough? So why do we beat ourselves up and let it not be enough? Having a goal is important but maybe that goal should be less about a number and more about a feeling.


"You know what's funny about losing a stack of weight? Nothing really changes. All that happens is that you lose the thing upon which you used to hang all your neuroses. Fat has a shape and substance; you can poke it with a stick. It's a scapegoat and a handy excuse. Once you start to lose it, you realize you're stuck with the same moronic core." --The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl

I think one of the reasons I enjoyed this book so much is that is what Shauna ended up learning (*spoiler alert* -- even though this book is more about reading her journey the ups and downs rather than the actual ending.) Through it all it was her learning to love herself that mattered. This is what we should be striving for -- yes health is important and we should relish in what we learn our bodies can do, how much weight we can handle or how hard we can push them -- but in the end if we don't love ourselves we will find reasons other than our weight that makes us feel undeserving.

"You can't compare your aceievements to anyone else's All you can do is compare where you've been and where you are now, and what you chose to do in between." -The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl


I think the lessons I was reminded of when reading this book were really important, especially during a month where everything for me was turned on it's head. I needed to regroup and refocus and decide what I really wanted and recommit myself to that goal.

______________________________________________________________

For more information on Shauna and her journey you can find her at http://www.shaunareid.com/