Tuesday, November 11, 2014

The Cat's out of the Bag.....and it's Okay (okay)

So I have been pretty quiet on the forefront of all things health and fitness. Not really toting any new health and fitness groups. Not posting any new meal plans or what my plans are to stay on track for the holidays.

And that's because I have felt like a big old hypocrite.

I haven't been working out 5-6 days a week like I normally do. I haven't been sticking to my meal plans and I haven't been quite so rigid about what kind of treats I am allowing myself to have. And I have been gaining weight like a champ.


Well because B is going to be a big sister in about four months.

So shouldn't I feel okay about all the things I listed above? Shouldn't I feel all glowy and wondrous and joyful about wanting to eat nothing but donuts for two weeks straight? Shouldn't I cut myself some slack when I am exhausted and can't' even fathom the thought of getting up extra early to squeeze my workout into an already jam packed day?

Maybe I should...but I don't.

It's hard to undo all the standards that I've held myself to over the past year and a half. And while yes in my brain I know I'm supposed to be gaining weight and letting myself get a few extra hours of sleep it's hard to not just feel like a slacker.

It's hard to get rid of the feeling of dread when my belly is getting into the way of my stretches....the way it used to a year and a half ago before I started this whole health and fitness journey. And I know that there is a much better reason for it now. I should be happy to see my baby growing and that we are both healthy. I know that in my head but it's still hard to shake that feeling.

And with that feeling comes the fear of gaining too much weight...not being able to get it off as quickly as I want. The downside of being a part of the health and fitness industry is that you see these women who are gorgeous...who gain the minimal amount of weight (that of course is all baby) and then four weeks later are back in their pre pregnancy jeans before they are even cleared to workout again by their doctors.

And then there is me. Who pees on a stick and gains ten pounds overnight. Who does not gain the kind of weight that is all baby. Who gains weight crazy easy even when she isn't' pregnant despite all the workouts and meal planning. And who would be stoked be back in my pre pregnancy jeans in four months instead of the two and a half years it took me last time.

It's taken a few months to wrap my head around all of that. To come to terms with it and be okay with the fact that working out 3-4 days a week is okay when I need the extra sleep. That giving in and opting for the easy dinner option after a crazy busy day is okay because sometimes that is all you can do. That eating white toast for a month straight was okay because it was the only thing that didn't send me running to the bathroom. That not working this Beachbody business as many hours a week as I was five months ago because I am exhausted and can barely form a sentence is okay. Because I need to put me and my kids first.

What matters is being aware and 80% of the time trying to eat the healthiest I can. What matters is cutting myself a little bit of slack and not comparing myself to anyone else who has had a baby and looks like a supermodel in their going home with baby pictures. What matters is to not compare myself to any other Beachbody coaches and their success because this is my journey and my road bumps are very different from everyone elses.

And guess what.

I am okay with all of it.

When I signed up to coach, I did so to hold myself to a higher standard and I help those who wanted to join me on this journey. I did it so that I could fit working around my life and be able to put my family first. I didn't do it to make a million dollars. My goal was to make enough to cover monthly expenses. Preschool, gymnastics, gas and groceries. To treat my coaches and clients like a family. To be there to help them with whatever they need, no matter where they are in their business and weight loss journey. A daily check in. A little extra motivation. Questions about meal planning and how to make it happen. I wanted to inspire, not sell. I wanted to encourage people to make it part of their lifestyle not offer them a quick fix.

And why should any of that change because I no longer fit in my jeans?

It shouldn't. Instead of letting myself be inspired by the success of others, I let their success impede my own. I took three big steps back when I should have been proud of what I have accomplished and what I am accomplishing (because chasing a three year old, growing another human being, supporting my team and the clients I currently have and still finding the time and energy to take care of me is a lot.)

So here it is....my big confession and my commitment to being back in the game (without feeling bad about wearing elastic pants while I do it.)

If you want to join me as part of my team or as one of my challengers as I navigate pregnancy, the holidays and fighting the Christmas cookie battle please don't hesitate to contact me or fill out the application below for more information.

Fill out my online form.
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